[Grey exterior, early morning. RADIGUET is bent over the motionless form of MARTHE. Enter the SASSY GAY FRIEND]
SGF: Marthe is about to die a horrible death because of the callous neglect of her lover, Radiguet. Marthe, what, what, WHAT are you -
RADIGUET: You're too late. She's gone.
SGF: [looking at watch] Are we on European time? I'm such a stupid bitch!
RADIGUET: I'm afraid so.
SGF: Well... no point wasting a trip. Let me c...more
[Grey exterior, early morning. RADIGUET is bent over the motionless form of MARTHE. Enter the SASSY GAY FRIEND]
SGF: Marthe is about to die a horrible death because of the callous neglect of her lover, Radiguet. Marthe, what, what, WHAT are you -
RADIGUET: You're too late. She's gone.
SGF: [looking at watch] Are we on European time? I'm such a stupid bitch!
RADIGUET: I'm afraid so.
SGF: Well... no point wasting a trip. Let me come in again.
[The scene rewinds and he comes in again, Spanish Inquisition style]
SGF: Raymond Radiguet is about to kill himself because of the dreadful guilt he feels for having caused the death of his lover, Marthe. This fate could have been avoided if he had had a Sassy Gay -
RADIGUET: I'm not going to kill myself.
SGF: [taken aback] You're not?
RADIGUET: And I've already got a sassy gay friend. I'm going to go and see Jean Cocteau and let him suck my dick until I feel better.
SGF: You big slut! Good for you!
[They high-five and do a little dance]
RADIGUET: Then Jean is going to help me write it up as a novel. It'll be cutting-edge. He figures he can arrange for me to get a prize or something. He's got connections. And cute pecs.
SGF: And after that?
RADIGUET: Oh, then I'm going to die of typhoid fever at the age of 20 and become a minor literary legend.
SGF: So you don't need my help?
RADIGUET: I've got it all planned out. Sorry.
SGF: [floundering] Ah... ah... you wouldn't know where the Bovarys live?
RADIGUET: Yonville is that way.
[He points and exits right. The SASSY GAY FRIEND is left standing next to MARTHE's corpse]
SGF: Okay. Okay. Still haven't figured out the French. Need to get my lines ready for the next one.
[Visibly pulls himself together, then tosses scarf over shoulder in trademark gesture]
SGF: Emma Bovary is about to eat arsenic. Emma, what, what, WHAT are you -
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